傷心 – Broken Hearted

傷心 – wounded heart

Its hard to find the words in english to describe the sadness that comes with grief; the sorrow of a broken heart from the death of a spouse. Death is permanent.

The pain doesn’t go away. I’ve tried to find that blue pill when all I find are red ones. I don’t want to go down the rabbit hole. The distress is all consuming; not only mentally, but physically as well. In Chinese there are many words that describe grieving from broken intestines to deep wounded scars. *sigh* All I want is to lie beside my love with her arms wrapped around me.

I never fully understood what grief was until now. It’s the club no one wants to be in. I’ve had some tragic moments in life and while they share the theme – I was naive; I just didn’t understand. The cut never heals. It will never go away.  You just learn (if you can) to live with the wound that aches.

All I have are memories and they torment my soul. That longing for yesterday hangs in the corner – saudade is the only description that comes to light.

The philosophical side of me thinks of 有緣無份 which deals with fate that is lost such as Romeo and Juliet. Yeah, it sucks having a background in Chinese; it can be just depressing.

It’s a journey that can’t be shared and at the same time I never wish this grief onto anyone. So I walk alone without that hand to hold, bumbling along looking for that something…

We live; we die; too bad there are no spoilers in life.

The song is 被遺忘的時光 – Forgotten Time

 

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